Pain

"One of the infant class I am

With little, easy lessons, set

In a great book; the higher class

Have harder ones than I, and yet

I find mine hard, and can't restrain

My tears while studying thus with Pain"

I had to go to hospital today, after a couple of days of worrying about the increasing pain in my chest and ribcage. My doctor had told me she was concerned about a blood clot in my lung which was a terrifying thought. 

Luckily it isn't a blood clot. It's pleurisy. I say 'luckily' because even though it hurts like hell, there were people there today who will have 'harder lessons than I'. Hospitals are so filled with pain it is palpable; but if this year has taught me anything its that it undoubtedly goes hand in hand with love. To quote a couple more stanzas from my childhood favourite...

There are two Teachers in the school,

One has a gentle voice and low,

And smiles upon her scholars, as

She softly passes to and fro.

Her name is Love; 'tis very plain

She shuns the sharper teacher, Pain.

Or so I sometimes think; and then,

At other times, they meet and kiss,

And look so strangely like, that I

Am puzzled to tell how it is,

Or whence the change which makes it vain

To guess if it be--Love or Pain.

(from 'What Katy Did' - Susan M Coolidge)

Ouch!

Today, while carrying a somewhat heavy box of my kids' books to be marked, this happened...

Down a step I step, straight onto one laptop charger. Over on my foot I go with all my weight, plus that of thirty-odd books.  Crunch goes my foot. Green goes my face and I collapse on the floor. 

OWWWW!

Thankfully I have a wonderful boy who knows first-aid and can lift me like I weigh no more than a feather. 

I wonder what the kids will say when they see me hop in with crutches on Monday...

An Emo Moment

Today I feel a little bit lost. 

My head aches, I feel tired and on-edge and I seem to be experiencing the full carousel of emotions in exhausting rotation. And I wonder. I can't quite figure out why the past couple of days have left me feeling so bad. 

And then I remember...

The sky is dark again.

I often do find this time of the month challenging; the waning moon seems to affect me strongly and I'm not the best company to be around. 

And then I feel horribly guilty. When I think of the people around me who are affected by my mood, I want to take back every snappish word...

...every stubborn silence...

...and blow away all the dark clouds. 

Because really I am blessed that they are in my life.

At this point last month, as we watched my father fade away with the moon, they were there and they made it bearable.

So this new moon, I will be focussing my energies on diminishing negative thoughts... 

...and focussing on the good stuff. 

Blessings and love.
With thanks to Pon and Zi.